Five ways to tell if someone might need support
Domestic or family violence looks different for everybody. That’s one reason it can be so hard to spot – people using violence and control will often do things that are unique or specific to their partner, and they may seem charming and kind to others. However, there are things you, as a friend or whānau member, might pick up on that indicate things aren’t right at home. You might notice that they:
- Stop coming to events or catch ups and/or stop doing things they’d usually enjoy. If they do come, they may seem tense or check their phone a lot.
- Seem to be in constant contact with their partner, even at work or when they are with friends and family. This could also look like their partner insisting on dropping them off/picking them up whenever you see them, or even turning up to catch ups.
- Exhibit general changes in behaviour. This could be anything from ‘losing their spark’ to seeming anxious, depressed or withdrawn. If they seem like they are not themselves, this is an indicator that something may be happening in their life.
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Have made changes to their physical appearance or clothing style. For example, maybe they always wore shorts to the gym and now they’re always in long tights, even in summer; or they used to love wearing makeup, but you notice they no longer wear it.
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Are showing changes in spending or there’s a lack of access to money. This might look like not having an eftpos card, noticeably spending less money or being cautious of spending money.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but the above can be indicators that something is not right. The best thing you can do is be a good friend. Let them know the door is always open and stay in touch.
For more advice on how to support someone experiencing violence, see this page.