Series 1 Diamonds in the Ring

Series 1 Episode 3
10 min

NARRATOR: New Zealand has the highest rate of domestic abuse per capita in the developed world.
Abuse needs silence to thrive.
In this series, Simonne Butler, herself the survivor of a vicious attack that nearly took her life, meets those brave enough to break their silence.

These are their stories.

NARRATOR: The last place Simonne would expect to find a domestic violence survivor is in a boxing gym.

Yet here she is meeting Shonie, who's in training for her next fight.

SHONIE: The abuse started all the time.

Getting hidings, just countless horrible things.

I wasn't allowed to dress a certain way.

I was pretty much a prisoner in my own home.

When you're getting beaten all the time, you're always on the receiving end.

You're never allowed to stand up for yourself.

Coming into something like this and actually being the one throwing punches, and being allowed to, it's real healing.

You're not that victim.

Your past doesn't determine who you are.

I fell pregnant quite young.

I got into the wrong sort of crowd and was a mum by the age of 15.

Then I just went on that path of not making the right choices in life and that sort of thing.

[inaudible chatting and laughter]

Drugs.

Alcohol.

Then the abuse started.

It all kind of went downhill from there.

The ambulance came to our house about 30 times.

I just lost my self-respect.

NARRATOR: What happened next was so extreme that we've chosen not to reveal the details.

SHONIE: So yeah, a lot of abuse still continued to happen.

Then that's when Women's Refuge came, and I was actually taken by ambulance.

NARRATOR: Since that horrific day, Shonie has turned her life around.

After escaping to a Women's Refuge, she went to rehab and has now been clean and sober for five years.

What Simonne wants to understand is how a violent sport like boxing can help women like Shonie regain their self-respect.

She asks Daniella, who runs Diamonds in the Ring, the predominantly female boxing gym that Shonie attends.

DANIELLA: Stop, sweetheart, stop moving your head around, okay?

NARRATOR: Like Shonie, many of the other women here are abuse survivors.

That includes Daniella herself.

DANIELLA: I was never downtrodden enough that I lacked all confidence and self-esteem.

I think I was more shocked that someone would do that to me.

If I don't hurt you, then you don't hurt me, isn't that how it works?

It was boxing though.

Boxing got me out of it.

Boxing made me realise that I deserved better.

NARRATOR: Daniella went on to become a world champion boxer.

DANIELLA: Get ready!

NARRATOR: She now teaches abuse survivors how to use boxing to rebuild their self-esteem.

DANIELLA: See how I moved, and all of a sudden it was a bit harder?

Your opponent moves.

It's a bit of a bummer that they do it, but they do.

[laughter]

SHONIE: It was massive because I'd actually never achieved anything in my life.

I'd only ever been a mother my whole life.

I've never read a book.

I've never done anything.

So to kind of prove to myself that I can do something like that, if I set goals and work toward them...

Yeah, I can't describe it.

DANIELLA: Somebody who didn't think they could do a little skill, and then all of a sudden they can.

Once again, they're feeling better about themselves.

Their self-esteem is boosted.

And you just go, "You damn rockstar!"

And they're like, "What? Am I?"

And I'm like, "You sure are."

NARRATOR: But for these committed boxers, it's about much more than boosting their self-esteem.

They're training for a charity fight night to raise money for Women's Refuge.

SHONIE: It just got me really keen to get in the ring.

I wanted to get into the ring straight away.

[laughs]

NARRATOR: Every year, more than 40,000 women like Shonie rely on Women's Refuge for help.

This is the second year she's fighting.

Under pressure to ensure her boxers are fully prepared, Daniella is losing patience.

DANIELLA: No, hit her in the head!

[yelling]

What is this?

Give me the gloves.

I'll show you how to box.

NARRATOR: Daniella is frustrated because she knows exactly how hard it's going to be for Shonie when she steps back into the ring.

Her tough-love approach seems to be working, though, and it's getting Shonie into shape.

NARRATOR: On Simonne's next visit to the gym, just before Christmas, she discovers an entirely different side to Daniella.

SIMONNE: This looks amazing!

DANIELLA: Yeah, we've done pretty well.

You know, we've only got a small gym, but we've all got big hearts, so it's been fantastic.

SIMONNE: Absolutely.

DANIELLA: So basically, the members of the gym, every year we do this.

We collect presents and then we take them all out to the Māngere Women's Refuge for the children.

People share stories about their mother or their aunty being in Women's Refuge and stuff.

Sometimes the refuge is close to their heart.

They just need a bit of encouragement and then they'll share it with you.

It's actually quite beautiful.

Playing Santa's fun.

[laughter]

NARRATOR: It's in this spirit that Shonie has worked hard to prepare for the charity fight night.

Diamonds in the Ring is hoping to raise tens of thousands of dollars for Women's Refuge.

To date, they have donated almost $150,000 to this cause.

[crowd cheering]

DANIELLA: Fight night, for the fighters, is probably the most terrifying experience of their life that turns into the most amazing experience of their life.

For me, it is the completion of their journey.

I've spent 15 weeks with them.

I've seen their battles.

They've shared their stories with me.

Tonight's the night for the owners of those stories to step up and show friends and family how far they've come.

SIMONNE: What does your family think about you boxing?

SHONIE: Very proud.

My dad especially.

He's really proud of my lifestyle change.

And admitting that I wasn't a good mum.

Admitting that.

I was a compulsive liar.

A thief.

Once you own that in yourself, and you can sit here like I am now and say that I was those things, that's someone who's properly healed.

NARRATOR: Shonie's son leads her to the ring.

[crowd cheering]

LOUDSPEAKER: Make some noise for Shonie!

[crowd cheering]

NARRATOR: The first round isn't going to plan, even with her family supporting her from the side of the ring.

Then Daniella steps in.

[crowd cheering]

All that training is finally paying off.

DANIELLA: [yells encouragement]

[crowd cheering, whistling and yelling]

LOUDSPEAKER: Let's give it up for Shonie!

NARRATOR: With Shonie's help, tonight's event has raised over $30,000.

She's come a long way since that ambulance ride to Women's Refuge.

[crowd cheering]

And that's what motivates Daniella and her team to be here today delivering Christmas presents to Māngere Women's Refuge.

DANIELLA: Merry Christmas. Mwah!

SANJITA: Look at you. Thank you so much.

[laughter]

SANJITA: Thank you.

NARRATOR: Sanjita, the refuge manager, is overwhelmed.

SANJITA: Every time these ladies come, they make me cry.

[laughter]

Thank you so much.

Oh my gosh.

As a refuge, and an independent refuge, we are just really blessed by the Diamonds all the time.

They are always helping us out in so many ways, so we can help the people in our community and the women and children that come into refuge.

It's just lovely to see the smiles on their faces and to know that somebody out there cares for them.

And cares for their needs.

MOTHER: Thank you.

Description

Can boxing help domestic abuse survivors regain their self respect? Daniella Smith, a former world champion boxer, believes so. She runs Diamonds in the Ring, a boxing gym for women. And, many of the women who train there are former clients of women’s refuges.

Shonie is one of them. She survived horrific abuse at the hands of her former partner, who was jailed for his abuse. We follow her as she trains to fight in one of Diamonds in the Ring’s charity boxing matches. It’s the second time she’s doing it.

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Breaking Silence | Season 1 | Episode 4: Jeremy Eparaima | RNZ

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In the field of domestic abuse Jeremy Eparaima is doing a lot of good these days. That’s directly because he used to do a lot of harm. He’s a reformed former perpetrator of violence against those he loved. Having successfully made radical changes to his own life and behaviours, changes he would never have believed possible, he’s now working hard to help other men realise they too can change.

Details & Info

Parental Guidance Recommended for Younger Viewers.