The Insider’s Guide: family violence in refugee and migrant communities
9 / 5 / 25
32 min
Those details and other contacts are also in the show notes for this episode. Experiencing family violence or partner violence can leave us feeling isolated and alone. It can mess with our minds and even make us feel crazy. We often blame ourselves for what's happening, and it can make us feel like there's nowhere to turn.
Throughout this series, you'll hear firsthand stories of people who have experienced family violence. And the reason these courageous people are sharing these stories is because they want people who are experiencing family violence to know that they are not alone, that they are not crazy, that it's not their fault, and that helpful support is available. This episode is all about the unique ways family violence affects people who have moved here from other countries.
And to talk about this, I sat down with Samira. Samira is from Iran, where she studied and researched women's rights. When she decided she wanted to do her master's research on violence against women, she was told she wasn't allowed to. Not one to back down easily, Samara and her family moved to Sweden so she could continue her studies.
After Sweden, she moved to New Zealand with her sights set on a PhD on women's rights, which she completed here in 2019. She now works in violence prevention in ethnic communities. So, she's basically the perfect person to ask about the specific challenges faced by people in our migrant communities who experience family violence.
Mick: Obviously, some victims of family violence in Aotearoa are migrants and refugees. What specific issues and challenges do they face?
Samira: So I want to I want to say definitely first, acknowledging that people who experience family violence, regardless of their ethnicity or background, everything, it's so complex and hard. But when it comes to migrant refugees, I can confidently tell you…
Mick: Is that migrants AND refugees?
Samira: Yes, migrants and refugees. So the common things I think, I always say is immigration itself.
Mick: Do you mean the immigration system?
Samira: Immigration status, the immigration itself form your perception of support available to them. Let me give you an example. I had a client. Okay. This person is on work visa. And is not permanent resident. She's aware that actually I'm not able to get any financial support if I report it.
Mick: Report..?
Samira: Report family violence. I know that I cannot get any financial support like a permanent resident or a citizen here. So it's one barrier. And that's why I said that immigration itself forms your perception of what support is available there even. Yeah. I come to this country, I hold so many privileges here.
So I had access to education. I had, you know, financial support and I had experience of living in another country like Sweden and still after coming to New Zealand I find it so hard to even get, driving license and applying for a different job. Keep rejecting, rejecting, regardless of all those experiences or education that I had on my CV.
I've been rejected many times for not having Kiwi experience or actually sometimes not directly telling me, but very clear that the job requires very advanced English like a native English speakers. And then actually, I'm a PhD student here and still I'm not enough like, you know. So immigration itself even changed my social classes. Immigration itself can make you actually face poverty even, so it brings so many things.
Now, imagine I, myself, because I miss the working in the field, working directly with people who are experiencing family violence, sexual violence. So, the moment I came here, I try to find job in this space. And it took years. I think more than two years. Finally, I could get support from some people in the community to help me to get my driving license and finally get a very casual job in one of the organisations in this field.
And that's why I feel that these women, usually migrant women, particularly, you know, that hidden racism even. These women, many times they've been labelled as, oh, they are not educated. That's why they stay in the violence situation. They are not coming and report it, just because they don't know what's going on. So no, this is not true. They know very well what's going on.
But look at their options. Look at their lives. Just listen. Sit with them and listen what they are going through. Because it's so hard.
Mick: And what is a common experience for someone in that situation? You said there are these barriers. How would you describe those barriers?
Samira: So for example, imagine this person is experiencing violence. Actually, I would always say that imagine their pre immigration experiences because many of migrant communities that we know, they escape from war and then different refugee camps and coming here. So just imagine their pre immigration pathways and the trauma and violence they went through. That disconnection of the land as well brings trauma. And then the moment they arrive here, unfortunately, there is not much support.
If you come from European countries like UK you can easily be accepted in terms of job experience back there, but not from Iran, not from Afghanistan, not from Iraq or other countries like that. So they cannot easily find job. Language barriers, language barriers is serious, is serious. Then even going simply to a doctor, to GP. How they can easily find culturally appropriate services, support connections, language.
So in most cases the men easier find a job and many of the women, actually, in coming from a countries that just because of their gender as a woman, they couldn't have easily access to education even. So when they come here, also, you cannot simply judge them, or saying they are not educated, but have you try to understand why?
Because they didn't have access to equal proper education just because of their gender.
Mick: Speaking of gender, Samira, explained to me how cultural attitudes to gender roles can, in some cases contribute to the isolation and dependence that can make accessing support difficult.
Samira: There is a culture of patriarchy and male domination. So in most cases, even if they are dealing with very hard, financial situation, still the man thinks that they are the breadwinner.
They have to go out, they found the job and the woman is stay at home. And if more children born, they stay at home again and with more children, no support, all the time at home, isolation, no English, no financial support. Like one other person, for example, when I started supporting her, she never, ever had a bank account.
She never, ever use ATM. I must show her how to use ATM, and she's been in the country for more than five years, six years. She had two children. If we are talking about adult victim survivor, always look, there is a child victim survivor, you know, and then there is a person using violence, they are connected and we cannot support them or prevent violence or proper response to it if we don't understand all those connections.
So the man comes from that kind of belief that actually this is my responsibility. I'm the breadwinner. She has to stay at home, for example, I give her the money. When she cannot go to the shopping, I will go. So gradually she become very isolated. And some of the communities especially our ethnic communities. They are not really big here.
So even not many communities or people that she can reach out. Sometimes when they reach out, they cannot easily talk about these things because the communities are small. And also remembering that community also can come with that idea that if she says anything, oh, come on, just be thankful you have your husband going out working. Take it easy. That's all of us. We deal with immigration.
So many of this type of unhelpful responses she receives in the community, she goes back again to that house, isolation, financial dependency. Actually, it's not just a financial dependence. It's a whole life they are dependent. Driving license. Again, it's hard. So they become dependent. Finding job. They become dependent. Interpreters, language, they become dependent again because…
Mick: Dependent on…?
Samira: Usually in these cases is the husband, is the partner. Always there is a poverty imbalance.
Mick: And all those dependencies mean that the partner has, if they choose to use it, control over that person.
Samira: Yeah. Yeah. That's that's exactly the situation.
Mick: And I imagine that person, and usually women, in that situation, who might have trauma from where they've come from potentially, maybe a lack of education because of their gender, a lack of financial skills and dependency, a lack of a voice and an expectation to be at home, you know, looking after the kids and not being able to get a job. I imagine that for her, she would feel like, when she experiences family violence that she may well know is not right, that she feels she has no options as far as telling someone or, or reaching out and getting support. I imagine she would feel like there really are no options.
Samira: This is exactly the situation, and I believe that they shouldn't blame them to have this feeling because they have genuine reason to fear that there is no option.
You know, like, I always tell all of them that there would be someone that listened here. So just reach out. So even in the darkness of that situation, there is a light. Okay. So I always feel that, yes, one thing they need to always highlight it to all of them. Say, look, if you feel that there is no option actually, I get you. I understand your situation, first acknowledging.
That's why I'm just trying here to say there are system barriers. There are so many barriers but doesn't mean there is nothing out there. I feel that they need to know that at the end of the day, there are some people, some services, that they can reach out when they are ready, and they want to reach out.
That's their right. That's something that also they need to know. So when, for example, they come and we are talking about the options, I don't say ‘it's very easy going get protection order, going through the court process’. No, it is hard. But let them know that they are not alone. You're not alone and you don't have to alone carry all those weights.
There are people that can help them. They can walk alongside them.
Mick: Okay, great. Of the people who you've worked with, what visas are they usually on, and what are the restrictions and the requirements of those visas?
Samira: Visa is really big challenge. You can hardly find anyone in this community that you talk about family violence, sexual violence, and they don't raise the issue of immigration, visa and support for victim survivors.
Unfortunately, I've seen most of them coming based on the partner’s visa because in most cases the partner is the one who knows English is the one who has job.
Mick: So how does that add to the challenge of their situation if they're on the husband's visa?
Samira: That's the first and biggest challenge because they feel all the time dependent. And that's we are talking about a person who take advantage of this power imbalance. So he holds the power. He holds the power, and all the time threatening that I will withdraw the support or I will send you back home. You know, there are so many threats and, they use it against her to keep her dependent, to keep her not going anywhere, not talking about the things that she's experiencing.
And most of the victim survivors, you know, under this ongoing threats, coercion, violence because they use it like gaslighting, even they are not sure, am I crazy? Like, what’s going on, like it's not unusual to me to hear that the client tell me, actually, she feels she's crazy. You know, we need to acknowledge the things that she's going through all the time threats, all the time saying that she will be even separated from the child. I get the child, you go back home.
But we shouldn't expect that these people know about the details of immigration law, because when you come independent visa, all the communication from the immigration is with the main applicant. Means is with the perpetrators, in this case.
Mick (VO): Samira has spent many hours helping survivors of family violence from our migrant communities navigate support services and the court system. And she stresses the need for a deepening of cultural knowledge and awareness.
Samira: It needs again, another level of understanding among our people, among our professionals, especially court, especially our judges. Some of our people who come here, they experienced female genital mutilation back in their country and coming and bringing that trauma. ‘Oh, I can’t talk about this, do they understand even what I'm talking about?’
Virginity, testing, virginity and all those myths around virginity and hymen, you know, all those things and how it can end up in very bad violence. Forced marriage, underage marriage. There are so many forms of violence there still maybe our professionals are not very well aware of it or identify it because many of these women, for example, she just might tell you, oh my marriage was not a love marriage.
You don't really get what she means, but she might actually want to start a conversation with you to see if she can trust you to say, actually, I've been through forced marriage, so there are very different nuances that unfortunately, still our workforces needs more capability building. There has been some good works. I think I shared with you there has been like a booklet, recently, you know, Our Culture, Our Pride.
They talk about some of these different forms of violence in ethnic communities, for example, just raising awareness. There are so amazing community organisations that are trying to raise awareness about different forms of violence. So again, these are good signs of- my message is actually, if you are experiencing any specific form of violence that is very specific to your community or ethnicity, or- don't think that you cannot share it, come out and talk about it. Help is available. There are people that are trying their best to support everyone, including our migrant, refugees, ethnic communities, everyone.
Mick: So, so how can cultural expectations make it harder for some victims of family violence?
Samira: We know that the main drivers of violence is gender and depends on different context. So I always say that the main issue is misogyny, is that male domination, is that those type of wrong gender norms, and even how we raise our children, we keep saying that boys are this, girls are this, boys are tough, you know, like all those type of norms, attitudes, things that they connect.
This is the issue. This is the drivers of violence. And it can be- this type of beliefs can be stronger in one groups or in amongst some people. But the moment that that person is from a specific ethnicity, we say that this is a culture, this is their culture.
So sometimes with this word, we want to, remove the responsibility off our shoulder and say, actually, this is their culture. Let them just deal with each other. We cannot do anything here. So we don't take action, that we must take action there, or we say that this is their culture. So we need to respect that.
Where actually none of the culture, no culture, no religion promotes violence. Unfortunately, some of us, like myself, I come from a country that, these type of male domination or patriarchy, these type of beliefs, has been very strong. So during the history, for years and years, all those men, technically, they translated, they interpreted religion and culture in this way for themselves.
I call it misogynistic interpretation and male dominated interpretation of religion and culture. Then wrongly, generation and generation, we pass it on and on and on. So I believe that yes, in some of the communities or people in some families, those kind of wrong cultural beliefs can be very strong to the extent that it stop these people to get support, not because they don't understand it, but actually still they feel pressure. They feel that it's not good. It's not good for my family. If I say anything, it's very bad among the community.
Or sometimes they say, oh, I'm migrant here. I don't want to make a label on the father of my children. Or, we already face lots of discrimination. So there are so many complex things that can be related to that wrongly cultural beliefs to entrap her into this coercion and control or violence situation.
But one thing we need as the community people, as the advocates, as the social worker in general, we need to be very careful how we reach out to this particular topic, because sometimes they quickly address and target and attack the religion or the culture of that person who experienced violence as the root cause of what she experienced. Which is very wrong, because it's actually the protective factors.
So I had a client, I remember that actually the perpetrator had so these wrong beliefs and under the name of religion and culture, terrible violence against this woman. And she knew it, she knew it. But at the same time, when she was with us, I said, what can help you for your healing?
Do you need anything now, here, while you are staying in a safe house? The first thing she asked me was the Quran. The holy book. So she knows that the man used, for example, that religion to use violence against her. But doesn't mean she has problem with the religion itself. She has her own religion and she loves it. And this is part of her healing.
It's- for another person, can be culture, can be something spiritual, you know. But we need to be careful that we cannot say that's their culture. That's why they use the violence. We need to really address the root cause and see what we can provide, what type of support, education, support we can provide for all of them.
Mick: So if someone is a victim of family violence and have come here from another country and they’re not a permanent resident, how can they begin to access the support they need?
Samira: People who are experiencing violence, they do not come to family violence, sexual violence specialist or Police at the first try, you know, so they usually go to people who are around them. It can be family, it can be neighbours, community, a religious place they go, or workplace. So what I would say as much as possible, trying to find trustable people and as much as possible, not to be isolated.
Mick: And how might someone be less isolated?
Samira: It can be, for example, going through some churches, they have English classes, or there are some community organisation they provide cooking classes, language classes, different type of classes. It can be parenting, it can be parent and child space where you can go just be, if you have a child, be there.
Mick: So find ways to connect?
Samira: Find ways to connect. Exactly.
Mick: And why is that so important?
Samira: Even for our mental health, not just around our safety. It's safety and well-being together. Be connected. That connection, even the very limited one, is, is still better than no connection.
Mick: And why is connection so important for someone who is experiencing family violence?
Samira: Because I think the first risk factors for them is isolation. The moment they are isolated, they become more and more dependent on that person who holds the power, who is the breadwinner, who brings the money, and so on.
Mick: Yeah, yeah. And, if someone is able to connect with some community that may well be outside of their usual community, maybe language classes, like you said, or cooking classes or, or something with the babies or the parenting, you know, and they, they can connect with an outside community and maybe form some friendships. What positive role can those friendships have for someone who's experiencing family violence?
Samira: Building positive relationship, friendship with people that you can trust, even if you don't need to share that time. But you know there is someone there, you can reach out to someone if something happen. Like myself, when I was as a migrant, that is one of my fears for a long time was if something happened to me and I have to be in hospital, what can I do with my son? Like what? How? Who can I call?
You know, like if something happened to us, like what can I do? Because it's just me, my partner and him. There is no one else. So I try to find good friends. Good friends that they are like my whānau here now. So that friendship is not just because of the family violence you experience. That friendship is something for your mental health, for your well-being, for feeling of a bit of security and safety that if anything happened to me, anything, I can reach out to someone and at least just talk. Because we know that the member of community, they play the most important role, the family, neighbours, member of community in general.
These people play the most important role in supporting a person who experiencing violence because they can be the connector. Because later, if you feel that actually I want to talk to this organisation, can you come with me? Just having someone next to you, not feeling that you have to go alone to a new place and share.
Mick: Pretty powerful, isn't it? If someone who has been experiencing family violence has gotten to the point where they feel like they've got enough courage to reach out, and not just to a friend, but reach out to some more formal support…what might the first steps of that look like?
Samira: If they are not in- they don't feel that this is a really immediate risk to them or the children because in this case, definitely 111 is the safest thing.
I understand for many people. It's so hard to pick up that phone, call 111. But if you really feel serious fear of your safety, the best and safest and fastest way is 111. Because the moment some of our people don't know when they call 111, then if it's family violence cases, then they will be referred to family violence, sexual violence specialist.
They will be referred to those groups. It's not just dealing with police. Even within police, they will be referred to police team that are a specialist in family violence, sexual violence cases. They are now within police we have ethnic liaison officers. So we have very diverse groups in terms of cultural understanding, language, interpreters, that's that case.
But if they are not in that level of risk, definitely calling national helplines, because again, those national helplines are good in terms of connecting you to the closest local organisation.
We have so many organisations. One of them is the Women's Refuge. 0800 733 843. Are You OK also has a number, 0800 456 450 again, I think Are You OK website, if you go on the website, again you'll have the opportunity of chat. But these are the main things I would say. But it's really important to, if you feel you want to talk, have a chat with these people that you can trust.
So these calls are confidential and always they will, if they find that you don't speak that language, they will find interpreters. When you get engaged with the social workers, if you say that I want a social worker from my country or from ethnicity, that you have, or language, as much as possible, they will provide those supports.
Mick: Ok, yeah, great. So I know that in New Zealand, for migrants who are experiencing family violence, we do actually have a family violence visa. What is that and who is that for?
Samira: Family violence visa, we have two categories, actually. Family violence work visa, family violence resident visa. I don't like to say that it's easy, the process. We need to be transparent.
The point is knowing that no matter what immigration status you have, what visa you're on, if you are experiencing family violence, there are different policies and organisation and help available. You can get those supports to be safe. And also knowing that actually you when you get out in the good hands of community organisation, they work together. Collaboration.
And yes, the process is not easy, but the good thing is you're not going through it alone. You don't have to all the time deal with immigration. Your support worker, your social worker can follow that one. You don't have to all the time deal with Work and Income or different groups or organisation. When you get out, when you get support in the safe house, for example, there are a group of people they want to help and they don't let them to carry all these weights alone.
At least you’re, you’re not worry about your children. Your- the children are there in a safe place playing. So you go with your social worker appointment or talking. They help with their appointments or doctors, many of their organisations that they support non-permanent resident victim survivors, they have very good connection to lawyers, some lawyers that they don't charge them in terms of immigration support.
But I can say a statistic majority of the family violence work visa application - majority are going through and they get the family violence work visa.
Mick: And, if someone's listening to this podcast and they've come to New Zealand from another country and they're experiencing family violence, what would you like to say to them?
Samira: Oh, that's hard. Main things I would say they are not alone. It really makes sense. You feel that there is no support available because it's hard, because there are so many barriers. But actually support is available and you can get it if you get connected. And you don't have to carry all those weights alone, it's not okay to carry it alone. It's not fair. And there are so many organisations and people, amazing people in community, that they want to help people who are experiencing violence, particularly migrants.
So just, just connect and let some people help you.
Mick (VO): Ngā mihi nui, Samira, for sharing both your wisdom and your passion for the safety of our migrant communities here in Aotearoa. We're lucky to have people like you working behind the scenes for the benefit of those going through something really tough.
If this episode has brought anything up for you and you want some support, you can go to areyouok.org.nz or call the 24/7 Are You OK helpline on 0800 456 450 to speak anonymously to a safe person. That's 0800 456 450.
Contact details for Women's Refuge and information for people supporting someone experiencing family violence are in the show notes for this episode. And I just want to mention that the situations that Samira described are just a few of many unique experiences. Violence impacts people in a lot of different ways, and the path to getting support and finding healing can be different for everyone too.
If you found this useful, do have a listen to one of the other episodes in this Insider's Guide series, and I'll see you there. Ka kite anō.
PG
Description
Experiencing family violence or partner violence can leave us feeling isolated and alone. It can mess with our minds and even make us feel crazy. We often blame ourselves for what's happening, and it can make us feel like there's nowhere to turn. Throughout this series, you'll hear firsthand stories of people who have experienced family violence. And the reason these courageous people are sharing these stories is because they want people who are experiencing family violence to know that they are not alone, that they are not crazy, that it's not their fault, and that helpful support is available.Originally from Iran, Samira works tirelessly in violence prevention within ethnic communities in Aotearoa. She gives an eye-opening account of the unique challenges faced by victims of family violence who have moved to New Zealand from other countries. She is passionate about breaking down the barriers that prevent members of our migrant and refugee communities from accessing helpful support.
If you would like support, you can click 'get help now' in the bottom right hand corner of the screen to start a webchat with the Are You OK helpline, or call the helpline on 0800 456 450 to speak anonymously to a safe person.
To contact Women’s Refuge, go to womensrefuge.org.nz or call 0800 456 450.
The Insider’s Guide: family violence in refugee and migrant communities
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9 May 2025
The Insider’s Guide: family violence through the eyes of a child
Experiencing family violence or partner violence can leave us feeling isolated and alone. It can mess with our minds and even make us feel crazy. We often blame ourselves for what's happening, and it can make us feel like there's nowhere to turn. Throughout this series, you'll hear firsthand stories of people who have experienced family violence. And the reason these courageous people are sharing these stories is because they want people who are experiencing family violence to know that they are not alone, that they are not crazy, that it's not their fault, and that helpful support is available.
As a child, Serena witnessed her father’s violence toward her mother and brothers. She speaks openly about the impact this had on her and the family unit. She also talks about her path to healing and even her journey of forgiveness.
** Content Warning: This episode is a discussion of violence witnessed as a child.
If you would like support, you can click 'get help now' in the bottom right hand corner of the screen to start a webchat with the Are You OK helpline, or call the helpline on 0800 456 450 to speak anonymously to a safe person.
To contact Women’s Refuge, go to womensrefuge.org.nz or call 0800 456 450.
As a child, Serena witnessed her father’s violence toward her mother and brothers. She speaks openly about the impact this had on her and the family unit. She also talks about her path to healing and even her journey of forgiveness.
** Content Warning: This episode is a discussion of violence witnessed as a child.
If you would like support, you can click 'get help now' in the bottom right hand corner of the screen to start a webchat with the Are You OK helpline, or call the helpline on 0800 456 450 to speak anonymously to a safe person.
To contact Women’s Refuge, go to womensrefuge.org.nz or call 0800 456 450.
Details & Info
PG
Parental Guidance Recommended for Younger Viewers.