How my vision loss was used against me

Content warning: this blog post discusses intimate partner violence, from the perspective of the person who experienced it. Please look after yourself as you read through this piece, and remember, the helpline is available to provide support 24/7. Call or webchat any time.

After receiving life changing injuries at the hands of two family members I suffered from low vision for many years and am now totally blind because of these injuries.

For 10 years I lived in an abusive relationship with someone who used my low vision as a tool to control many aspects of my life.  This included removing my glasses from my bedside table while sleeping so I couldn’t see anything when I woke, reading things to me that were not accurate so that I missed important bills and appointments. It then progressed to physical abuse that I couldn’t see coming and caused permanent damage in the form of a broken ankle that didn’t heal properly as I couldn’t get myself to the hospital for 3 days.

Punches and plates of food are difficult to dodge when you can see, but having low vision makes it near on impossible, and when things are deliberately moved or left on stairs it causes indirect abuse and damage.

I would also be made to clean up afterwards, often crawling around on the floor to get the food or broken plate off, causing further damage to my body, as my hands are my eyes.

I was abused for not cleaning dishes properly, for food not being cooked properly or burnt and for the floor not being cleaned, all things I struggled to do well because of my low vision, he would never help either.

I recall one time I accidentally spilt a little bit of a drink on our couch and was subjected to a night of beating and wore the drink as well.

I was in trouble at work for not turning up on time, again I had no control over when I got there I was at the mercy of the driver (my partner) and if he decided I was going in late then I was not able to argue with him for fear of the repercussions.

I was unable to access help in the form of support workers or even family as he would not allow anyone in my home and stopped my family coming to the house, I would only ever be able to visit with them at their place when it suited him.

The day he picked up the microwave and threw it across the room at me like it was a piece of paper was the day I knew I had to leave, but how does someone with low vision do that?

They find a friend that will help them leave.

I walked out with nothing but my clothes and left the house to him and every belonging I ever owned.

We have not been able to prove that the abuse which included multiple serious blows to the head and face contributed to the total blindness I now live with, but the doctors suspect that it was definitely a contributing factor.

When he wasn’t physically abusing me he was controlling every aspect of my life, criticising everything and putting me down in the form of “no one else will want to look after you” or ” you are useless and worthless”.

It is the emotional damage and the control that has been the hardest to work through, the physical wounds heal but the emotional ones often come into my mind even now 23 years later.

If any of this story has resonated with you, either for your own experience or that of someone you know, please reach out. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be respected and you deserve to have autonomy and control of your own life. The team on the Are You OK helpline can support you, from trying to unpick what you’re experiencing, right through to helping you to navigate support systems. Call or webchat anytime.