Hi, my name's Megan, Kia ora my name is Maria, and this is the Insider's Guide to Women's Refuge.
One of the myths is that Women's Refuge is just safe housing and it's not, it's much more than that. It's community advocacy where we support women staying in their own homes. Violence isn't just about the physical side of things. In fact, you may not be experiencing physical violence at all, but you may be experiencing coercive control and isolation.
That is violence also. You don't have to talk to the police to access our services. However, if you wish to talk to the police about what's been happening to you, we will absolutely support you to do that. You do not have to have left your partner before you contact us. The only criteria is that you feel you're experiencing domestic violence or you may be experiencing domestic violence.
Anybody who's female, transgender, non-binary, regardless of who your partner is, we're ready to support anybody. Financial hardship is quite prevalent in New Zealand within domestic violence, where perhaps the abusive partner is taking money away from families, children in particular. We can support you with that by talking to Work and Income, getting you on the right benefit or getting you the support that you need and helping you to manage your own finances and separate finances from the abusive partner if necessary.
The initial phone call, you're only committing to that phone call if you wish. You can end that phone call whenever you like. You don't have to call us back. But if you want our services, we're ready to listen to you to put together a support system that supports you in the best way possible for you. We offer advocacy, residential, and community, so residential where women are obviously in our safe houses, and we're supporting them through advocacy through the courts, for example, with protection orders, parenting orders and community with supporting them with tools to keep themselves safe, with advocacy, with government departments, agencies, Kāinga Ora, Work and Income.
A safe house is, a general home, like everybody lives in, the bedrooms tend to be a little bit bigger than normal, maybe. Living areas arecommunal areas for everybody. You may be in the safe house with other families. The majority of the safe houses we have in Aotearoa do have security systems set up.
And in some situations we do have security guards. You don't need to have anything to come into a safe house. We can provide everything for you. We won't put you into a safe house unless that's what you're asking for. But we will talk to you about the level of risk that we perceive you're at and discuss with you what your options are.
You make the choice. You make all of the decisions that impact your life from there on in. There is no requirement for you to pay within the safe house. We don't want to put anybody into financial hardship. All of our offices have spaces available for children set up for children, and we love kids. So bring them with you.
A lot of our Refuges do deliver tamariki programs so that there's always a tamariki room, a children's room for them to just go in there and relax with another kaimahi. Or if they've got a child advocate working at the Refuge, they will look after the children while mum is talking to the Women's advocate. We don't share information with anybody unless we have your permission to do so.
Unless of course, there's a situation where we're very concerned for your safety or for the safety of your children. Everything begins with us listening, and the easiest way for us to do that is for you to call 0800 Refuge, or look for your local Refuge number online or through the Women's Refuge website.
PG
Whakaahuatanga
Women's Refuge is New Zealand's largest national organisation dedicated to supporting women and children experiencing family violence. This video explains who they are, what they do and how to access their services.
The Insider's Guide: Women's Refuge
Author: Women's Refuge
Ake ake
9 Hara 2025
The Insider's Guide: Kaiārahi / Family Court Navigators
Family Court Navigators, or Kaiārahi, assist individuals and whānau (families) to navigate the Family Court system in Aotearoa New Zealand. Kaiārahi provide free, culturally responsive support, helping clients understand court processes, access community services, and remain engaged in proceedings. They do not offer legal advice but serve as a vital link between the community and the court, aiming to improve family justice outcomes by empowering families to make informed decisions.
Parental Guidance Recommended for Younger Viewers.
FAQs
You can find your local Refuge on the Women's Refuge website or call our 24/7 crisis line on 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843).
Yes, absolutely. Women’s Refuge are experts at supporting people to understand risk, and working out what might be going on in their relationship. You can call and chat over the phone or meet one of the advocates just for a cuppa and a chat.
You don’t have to give your name or your contact details if you don’t want to when speaking with Refuge. Any information you choose to give Refuge will remain confidential, this includes your location and contact number. The only exception to this is where there are serious immediate safety concerns for your or your child/ren and emergency and protective services such as the Police or Oranga Tamariki need to be informed. In any case this will be done in consultation with you, unless it is not possible to do so due to the immediate risk and seriousness of the situation for you and your child/ren.
Yes, absolutely! Please contact Women’s Refuge if you are ever worried about your relationship. Family violence is not just about physical harm, in fact in most cases it involves many forms of control but no physical violence. You may be isolated from your friends, family and other networks, you may be fearful of what your partner might do or say, you may feel as though you have no control over your own life. These could be signs you are in a controlling relationship, and Women’s Refuge are excellent at helping you understand what you are experiencing, and Women’s Refuge can help you understand what options are available to you.
If you are worried about someone else’s relationship, please contact us, we can help and support you to help and support the person you are concerned about.
No. There is no obligation to have sought help from Police or anyone else in order to talk to Refuge. You can reach out whenever you need to. If you do need the Police, Women’s Refuge can help you to contact Police or support you in any ongoing interactions with them or any other agencies.
Yes. Women’s Refuge are not there to try and force you into any decisions, or to persuade you one way or another. They are there to provide you with information, guidance and advice, so that you can make your own decisions with someone beside you. Refuge understands that not everyone can (or wants to) leave a relationship and that leaving is not always a safe option. They can help you assess risk and make plans to keep yourself safe, without judgement or pressure.
Women’s Refuge works with any women, non-binary, transgender or takatāpui people of any age, ethnicity, ability, or sexual orientation. There are other services available that work with men, such as changeispossible.org.nz
They will listen to what you need and what is important for you and your child/ren. They can help you by providing information, advice, guidance and advocacy Advocacy may include helping you with other organisations such as Work & Income, Police, or any other government agencies. They can support you with safe house accommodation if you need somewhere safe and secure to go. They can help you with separating finances, obtaining food parcels or anything else you might need to support you to leave a violent partner.
A safe house is usually a three- or four-bedroom home with shared common spaces like kitchens, bathrooms and living areas. You and your children will have your own bedroom. You may be sharing with other families however Women’s Refuge will work out what is best and safest for your situation.
If you choose to come into a Refuge Safe House you don’t need to bring anything with you, Refuge Safe Houses can provide PJ’s, toothbrushes & toothpaste, shampoo & conditioner, deodorant, clean clothes and bedding for you and your child/ren, however you can bring your own personal belongings if you wish.
Women’s Refuge love kids! You are more than welcome to bring them with you, there are toys and kids’ areas in our offices. There will be someone who can spend time with your child/ren while you see an advocate. Some of the Refuges also have child advocates and children’s programmes.
