What are some things I can say and do? A survivor talks about what works best.

Friends and Whanau

What are some things I can say and do?

Any little thing you do can help.

I didn't know what else to do so I said I'd take the children for an hour or two.

I decided to keep on saying hello and asking how she was even though she didn't say much. I had a feeling something was going on and she might need me one day.

I don't mind if you call me or come over whatever the time, I mean it, my door's always open.

Give support not advice.

Listen.

Take violence seriously.

Challenge the behaviour not the person.

Think about safety.

Don't intervene in a violent situation or when people are angry or drunk.

Choose a quiet time.

Ask:

  • Are you OK?
  • Is someone hurting you?
  • Are you scared to go home?
  • Is there anything I can do?
  • Do you feel safe at home?

Say:

  • It's not OK your kids are scared of you
  • It's not your fault someone is hurting you
  • When you're ready I'm here
  • It's not OK that you are being hurt

Do:

  • Keep in touch
  • Call to say Hi
  • Offer to babysit
  • Listen
  • Be there
  • Keep the door open
  • Offer a safe place to go
  • Find out about family violence