Q:

Your perspective?

What are your perspectives on family violence?


A:

Thank you for writing in with your question. It is a very broad question.

I will give you a brief overview of my answer and you can email back and we can get more specific if you want.

My perspective is the same as the Campaign slogan: Family Violence is not OK but it is OK to Ask for Help!

As a victim of family violence who went on to perpetrate family violence I did not know that family violence was NOT OK. I grew up with the notion that I would NOT do the violence that was perpetrated on me, to my family.

I grew up with the notion that the hidings I got, even though it hurt, were normal. This was how a child was loved and disciplined.

I grew up with the knowledge that most of the kids I knew in Central and South Auckland were loved and disciplined that same way.

After having perpetrated a lot of violence I ended up attending a stopping violence programme. It was at this programme that I got the complete understanding, knowledge, tools and skills, that family violence is not ok and that the help I was getting was going to help me.

This help extended to my immediate family and the extended family.

I am now contracted by MSD to share my story and journey of family violence with the Campaign slogan

Family Violence is not OK!

It is OK to Ask for Help!

I have other slogans that I use:

• if you don't know what you don't know, you'll always do what you've always done and you'll always get what you've always got
• if there be no perpetrators, there be no victims
• Declare Aotearoa/NZ a family violence free zone.

I use these sayings in the attempt to get the message across as simple as possible.

I want all men to attend a family violence workshop to learn about family violence, not because they are perpetrators but because all men need to have the knowledge that Family Violence is not OK!
It is OK to Ask for Help!

Vic

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