Q:

My sister is in denial

Hi Vic, I am a concerned about my sister who is constantly wearing sunglasses because she has black eyes from her partner beating her up. She denies that he does and makes up stories to cover the truth eg she slipped chasing the kids. When I try to talk to her she closes up and ends the conversation quickly. He has a history of violence . My sister denies she needs help and I feel helpless and do not know how to help the situation. It hurts to stand by and know in my heart that this is happening and that my sister is in denial. Thank you and look forward to hearing from you.


A:

Thank you for writing in, your concern for sister is real and needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. Can I suggest that you gain as much information from our website as you can as well as some of the resources.

One option would be to gather your family together with the information and resources that you have got from our website and have a family meeting to discuss the issue regarding your sister then make an approach to your sister's partner NOT your sister, and let the partner know that you have concerns for your sister/family member.

The partner needs to know that you are aware of his violence and abuse and that his violence is not OK and that it is OK to get help and as a family you are offering to help and support him.

The alternative is you ring the Police AND you don't consult your sister on this matter.
You can either make the approach to your sister's partner as a family or an individual, explaining fully that you are there to help.

Either way you have to do something.

Your sister's partner may rant and rave, telling you to mind you own business BUT he may not know that his behaviour is violent and abusive. He will not have the tools and skills to handle it when he gets angry and being aggressive and intimidating may be the only way he knows on how to handle this emotion of anger.

Do not antagonise him but at the same time do not be intimidated by him.

If you are not able to do any of this make contact with the local stopping violence programme in your area, explain the issue and seek their help and assistance.

Bottom line on the issue, 111, ring the Police.

This has got to stop, unfortunately your sister is not in the position to make a call on this, being the victim of his violence and abuse.

Your intention and that of your family is to help your sister and her partner. If at all possible I would like to have an email chat with your sister's partner.

YOU HELP HER BY GETTING HELP FOR HIM.

He is the perpetrator of the black eyes, she is the victim, he has to stop the abuse and violence.

Vic

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