Q:

My family don't believe me

I have been having issues with my husband. He gave me STDs and when I told him he got mad and gave me a hiding. I don't know why he acts out so violently towards me. 

I'm scared for my children and their safety. My family don't believe me when I tell them what's going on, they think he's not violent at all. The only person that gives me real support is my oldest son Jonathan, he is 15 years of age, he tries to protect the family but ends up getting hurt in process. I honestly want to run away from everything and everyone around me. He's turned my mother and father against me and almost has my children against me.


A:

Hi, thank you for writing in.

There is no other option for you, please contact the NZ Women's Refuge in your area.

Ring 0800 456 450, get their contact details and follow their directions.

The issues you have with your husband are violence and abuse. It's not OK.

Ring the Police 111 the next time you feel your safety is being compromised, please do not let this happen to you ever again ‘he gave me STDs and when I told him he got mad and gave me a hiding'.

These ‘issues' will never be resolved till he gets help and yes he will turn people against you. It's all part of the power and control that he will enforce over you all.

Unfortunately he is in the situation where he cannot help himself, he doesn't know how to help himself. All he knows is to do what he has always done and that is to perpetrate violence. Unless he has the awareness of what family violence is and can get to a programme and gets to understand what he is doing he will never change.

You and the kids need to get out of there and into a safe place. You will need to discuss with the Women's Refuge about your 15 year old son as he may not be able to go into the refuge with you.

The priority is that you and the children are safe. You will not be running away you will be seeking ‘safety' from a bully, who will use every means at his disposal to keep you under his control.

You are not a victim, You are a strong woman that will no longer put up with his abuse.

Take charge of your life and the life of your children. YOU deserve it. Again let the women's refuge help you.

Your son needs to be free from this type of behaviour as it is not normal and sets a bad, negative role model for him for his life.

It would be better if your partner could ‘man up' and get out of the house and leave you all there, while he goes and gets help. He is so selfish that I do not believe that he can ‘man up' at this stage, you need to be proactive for your own safety and sanity and get out of there.

Vic

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