Q:

I'm scared to be in my own home

Hi Vic, I'm scared to be in my own home. I'm even to scared to sleep lately, it's been getting worse and it has taken me four years to finally decide to do something about it. My boyfriend has been violent to me throughout our whole relationship in the four years we have been together. I have had two really bad black eyes and six fat lips. Most of the time he hurts me where people can't see. I try and explain to him and talk to him about why he hurts me. He thinks sometimes he doesn't mean it; other times he hits me just for asking. He controls me, puts me down, I'm only 21 years old and I have two kids to him. He loves and adores them and has never ever laid a hand on them and has always hurt me behind closed doors. I don't know what to do from here but all I know is I don't want this life and he will not leave. Every time I've tried to break up with him he has beaten me and threatened me. I need help and advice – it's time to change the future for me and my kids.


A:

Hi, thank you for writing in. Please, please, please, you need to make a move NOW - IMMEDIATELY.

Please ring Women's Refuge NOW - 0800 733 843.

Depending on your situation, it may be safest for you to request help or information online.

Fill out the Refuge's online form and they will email or phone you as soon as they can:

https://womensrefuge.org.nz/WR/Get-help/Get-help-online.htm

For urgent help, phone 111 immediately.

Your situation requires instant action by you to get safe and get your babies safe.
You are not safe - but you already know that.

His physical violence is the silent abuse he perpetrates on the kids. Yes ON THE KIDS. He may not have physically touched them but what he perpetrates on you impacts on them.

At the kids ages they are right now they are soaking up everything, their brains are empty and soaking up everything that's going on. The kids know you are hurt, in pain physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally. They have been impacted by his violence and abuse since the violence and abuse started.

You and the two kids have put up with his violence and abuse for four years too long.
If he touches you again RING 111 and get him outta there.

Hopefully the Police will issue him with a Police Safety Order and get him out of there and in the interim period you ring the Women's Refuge and make a safety plan to get you and the kids out of the house.

The preference is that he leaves permanently through a Protection Order issued by the courts and that he has no contact with you while you get life back on track with the kids.

He may have to go to jail for the violence and abuse that he is perpetrating on YOU and the KIDS and he may have to attend a course on stopping family violence.

But don't YOU worry about him, he needs to man up and get some help to get healing and be free from violence and abuse

Act NOW - the kids have the right to grow up free of violence.

YOU have the right to a life without violence.

Vic

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