I know my brother has been abusive

Hi Vic,
I know my brother has been abusive towards his partner – not sure for how long though. They have two beautiful kids and I worry about them and their mother not feeling safe at home! 

I have raised this with my brother and he has admitted he needs help. Can you advise me about where to go and what to do next?

Our Dad was pretty violent when we were growing up – once he stopped drinking alcohol all that stopped but I guess those earlier years of violence have not left my brother, sadly, and he has now carried that on to his relationship. 

I really want to help them in some way. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.


Hi, thank you for writing in. It does not matter how long this abuse has been going on, It's not Ok!

The love and concern you have for your brother, his partner and the two beautiful kids, is BEAUTIFUL and that you write in to ask for help for the bro and his family.

I LOVE you just for your LOVE for them.

The bro admitting to you that he needs help is the awesome first step to the journey of uncovering all the issues that may be triggering the violence and abuse, then discovering the tools, skills, language and communication he needs to become violence free.

A stopping violence programme is where he needs to be at, to truly begin to unravel all the feelings and triggers to begin the journey of recovery and healing so that he and his family and you can live a family violence free life.

He will have picked up a lot of the negative, violent and abusive behaviours that Dad displayed, BUT we cannot and will not blame DAD, he did whatever it was that he knew and then in later years, as you say, he made the change.

The bro will have manufactured what he observed from Dad, his peers and others to suit himself and his life style patterns.

These triggers he will become aware of at the stopping violence programme. It's Ok to Ask for Help and help for the bro is nearby now that he has admitted to you that he does need help.

Message to your brother:

Bro dial our information line on 0800 450 456, find out the contact details for a stopping violence programme near you, ring them, find out when the next intake is and join.

Get in there, meet and join with other people on the course that are like you and I, in that we had no idea about this thing called ‘family violence' and that we want to be a better man by getting ourselves schooled up, get the necessary tools, skills, communication and language to be free of the violence and abuse and begin the healing journey for YOU, your family and your sister.

Your sister has much love and respect for you that she has taken the courage to write in and ask for help for you.

Return the favour, my man, man up and get with the family violence free programme.
We are the generation of real men.

Look forward to hearing from and catching up with you in the future.

Keep me posted on how you are doing and when I am in your area let's hook up...Cool

Love to you both.


← Back to Ask Vic