Q:

How can we get him help

Hi, I have a friend that is abusing his wife in front of his kids and his new girlfriend's kids as well.

I am concerned for the safety of the all the kids involved and his new girlfriend as she is a friend of my family.

He won't listen to me and his ex-wife won't press charges with the police.

How can we get him help before the worst happens again?

Thanks


A:

Hi, thank you for writing in with the concerns that you have.

YOU can ring the Police - don't wait for the ex to ring YOU make the call.

The worst has already happened. The fact that he is abusing the ex-wife in front of the kids, and his girlfriend's kids, the worst has happened, they will now grow up to believe that this is normal behaviour, they have a memory of this violent and abusive behaviour permanently embedded in their psyche .

His behaviour seems normal because:

• No one has said anything to him
• No one challenged his behaviour
• No one has done anything about it 
• No one stepped in to stop it
• No one has thought that his behaviour is anything but normal.

Yea the pressure is on you.

Arm yourself with all the information that is available on this website and make the approach and challenge his behaviour.

Ask him to have a chat, show him all the information, let him know that you care about him and know what's going on with his violent behaviour and you wanna help and that you are ready to ring the Police as you don't know what else to do.

You can give him the 0800 456 450 number to ring to get the number for a local stopping violence programme or you can find it and give it to him.

Other people that have wanted to help their friends, have rung the 0800 number, got the number for the stopping violence programme and attended the programme with their friend to show support, to let them know that his behaviour is not ok, that help is available and no matter he is still their mate.

This maybe something you may want to consider.

We men have to take the initiative - not the women. Us men!

You are the best person to help all of them right now.

Ringing the Police IS helping.

Ring the Police and let them know what you know and that you have concerns about the safety of all the people involved.

You know that it's serious that's why you have written in.

I feel the same urgency that you do, cos if he's violent to his ex in front of the kids, he will do this to his girlfriend and kids and it will get worse, you know this.

I believe I know how you feel cos you don't want to be the nark.

It's not about being a nark, it is about caring for the safety of all those involved and the future safety of the kids.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing".

Let me know how you get on.

Vic

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