Q:

He's beating our friend - please help

Hi Vic, I have a female friend she is 42, her partner is 27. He has been jailed for Male Assaults Female in the past (this relationship). 

We are just a couple of her friends that are really concerned for her safety now. 

I have walked in on two occasions where he has been beating her and I have managed to calm it down enough to get one of them to leave. The problem now is she is so scared to leave, we as females are not strong enough to approach him. 

She is now not allowed to use her phone while he is around so she can't call us for help.

Do we go to the local police and voice our concern? He is well known to the police. 

We just don't know what to do anymore.

Her kids are older and choose to live with their dad for now as the violence is too much with gangs coming around and trying to stand over one of her kids.

We are at the end of it and don't know what else to do.

Please help.


A:

Hallo, thank you for writing in of your concerns for your friend, her wellbeing and safety.
First up you are not "just" a couple of friends!

You are the two people that are brave enough to write and ask for help for your friend. 
I wish there were more people like you that would help a friend in their time of need even when the friend does not know or understand that they need the help or cannot help themselves because of the fear they are under.

YOUR FRIEND IS IN SERIOUS DANGER!

You are very brave and a true friend to step in when, "he has been beating her".

I understand that you want to help your friend, when you see her getting beaten up. It is a very dangerous time jumping in on a domestic. It is so serious that I am advising you to ring the Police.

Your friend needs your help NOW, not later when it happens again, NOW.

Do you go to the Police - ABSOLUTELY. Call the Police and let them know what you know, what you have told me.

The Police will make their assessment of the situation and bring the proper people and resources into play.

This is the best you can do for the both of them.

The violence will continue but good people like you two can be the beginning of the end of the violence for your friend. His violence is impacting on so many people and it must stop.

Family violence is not OK! Ever!

Another way you can help your friend is to make contact with the Women's Refuge and share with them the information that you have shared with me. After near 40 years working to address the issue of family violence they possess the tools, skills and resources to activate a safety plan for your friend.

By alerting the Women's Refuge to the situation that's unfolding, they can make contact with your friend and put together a safety plan, with her.

On our website you can write in and get our information resources that can be left for her partner and hopefully he can write in and make contact with me. I would love to work with him, to help him understand his issues of family violence.

It's OK for him to ask for help but at that young age he would probably think it's not the manly thing to do.

The priority is to make sure that your friend is in a safe place to think clearly to make good decisions.

You are both primo friends.

Vic

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