Q:

Getting someone else to get help

How can I get the person I love to get help when he doesn't see it as a problem yet?


A:

Hi and thank you for writing in with your question.

Straight to the point: It is very hard to get anyone, let alone the person you love, to see that he has a problem when he can't see or acknowledge it himself.

When you point the problem out he will see it as he is being targeted and picked on by you and he is likely to turn things back on you to protect himself from what he considers a threat.

If he don't know what he don't know he will always do what he's always done and he will always get what he's always got.

Before you try to talk to him and point out his ‘problems' that you perceive that he has, make sure you know what YOU are talking about.

Find out for yourself all about these ‘problems' either through relationship, individual, couple counselling or a facilitator of a stopping violence programme.

You can get these contact detail by ringing our information line on 0800 450 456.
A good contact at this stage for advice on your situation is http://www.relationshipsaotearoa.org.nz/
Make contact with them, see how you go with their advice.

Remember you get the help and understanding for yourself first in order to understand and hopefully help him to see for himself what is going on for you in your relationship.

Having the same understanding and awareness of the ‘problem', can take your relationship and love to a whole new level.

Please be patient if this problem has been part of his makeup and part of the way that you interact with each other, it will take a while to get it sorted.

I truly feel for you as I feel that no one has been able to give you the answers that you are looking for.

The reason why people do not have the answers that you are looking for, is because the issue of family violence is not if ever talked about openly or even admitted to, therefore those that have the knowledge and tools and skills that you are wanting and needing are few and far between in this country.

Please stay in touch. I am here to help.

Vic

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