Family Violence, it’s not ok

Partners         Children           Older people

Any behaviour that makes someone else feel controlled and fearful is never OK

Everyone in a family should feel safe and nurtured

It's hard for many of us to make sense of what is OK and what isn't

A healthy relationship is supportive,trusting and warm. But in some relationships one person uses power and fear to control the other. These relationships are emotionally abusive and can become extremely unsafe. People in violent relationships feel frightened.

They feel as though they cannot be themselves because their actions, thoughts and choices are determined by the person who is controlling them

No one should be frightened or scared by someone in their family

If you are worried about your safety click here

The Law

In law family violence is know as domestic violence. In the Domestic Violence Act 1995 it is defined as

"violence against (a) person by any other person with whom that person is, or has been in a domestic relationship".

It defines domestic violence as more than physical abuse; it includes sexual or psychological abuse. Psychological or emotional abuse includes threats, intimidation, harassment or damage to property.

In addition, psychological abuse is committed against a child if that child witnesses the abuse of a person with whom the child has a domestic relationship.

A single act of violence or a number of acts that form part of a pattern can be regarded as domestic violence.

The Act covers people in many different relationships:

• married couples
• couples in civil unions
• de facto couples
• gay and lesbian couples
• children
• family/whanau
• anyone in a close personal relationship
• flatmates or other people who share accommodation.

To find out more follow these links: Family Court of New Zealand Legal services agency

Work and Income's Family Violence Intervention Programme provides support for clients who are affected by family violence, including appropriate financial assistance.

Victims of family violence who are not New Zealand residents may be eligible for financial assistance from Work and Income.

No matter what your age or sex, it's never OK if your partner or any member of your family:

• Scares or intimidates you with words or actions
• Makes you feel like everything you do is wrong
• Insists you always have to agree with what they say
• Always ignores your opinions and ideas
• Constantly criticises you or your friends
• Humiliates you in front of your friends
• Makes you isolated and alone
• Forces you to have sex or do other sexual acts you don't want to do
• Makes you drink or take drugs when you don't want to
• Touches you in a way you don't want
• Uses unsafe driving to frighten you
• Hits, pushes, bites or pulls your hair
• Blames everything on you
• Threatens the safety of family members
• Makes you feel scared of what might happen next
• Frequently accuses you of sleeping with other people
• Threatens to take the children away if you say anything
• Damages property/walls/possessions to scare you
• Keeps your money from you
• Uses threats to control or frighten you.

"I walked on eggshells all the time. Whatever I chose, I was hardly ever right. It was so confusing. I could never figure it out".