Faces of the Campaign
These four men appeared in the Campaign's television commercials, sharing their personal stories of change. Vic, George and Brian tell how they became violence free and healed their families. Alfred shares his story of intervening in a family violence situation.
Faces of the Campaign
"I thought What am I doing? Whats wrong with me?"
Vic's Story
One Man's Journey to be Violence Free
He has been violence free since 1992 and his children don't use violence in their families, but it wasn't always that way.
Vic is Samoan, he grew up in Auckland in the 1950s, 60s and 70s. Violence was normal in his family and other families he knew.
"The violence I grew up with was fists and the boot. I thought I would never do that to my kids and made a change, so I disciplined/punished my kids with what you would call weapons now, the hose, jug cord, wooden spoon, a jandal or shoe - the worst was an old dry piece of hose . So although it was different to me, it was actually not different.
"My violence to my wife Losa was with fist, chair, bottle. I had no other way of communicating my frustrations or the pressure, that was the only thing I knew."
Like many men who have learned to live without violence, there was a moment of realisation.
"For me it was when I beat up my youngest daughter, she was 8. She wouldn't do what she was told so I beat her with a shoe, first with the sole and then the heel. She went to school covered in bruises.
"When Losa saw the hiding I'd given, she left and took the kids with her.
"When they came back a few days later, they said they loved me but they wanted me to do something about ‘my angry'.
"We talked all night. They told me the good things about me and the bad.
"I realised I had to find some way of stopping what I was doing. That was when I went to a stopping violence programme. There were these two pakeha guys, I just thought they were weak and nobbly kneed at first.
"But they talked about needing the right tools for the job. They said if you want to fix a car you need the proper tools, you can't fix it with a plastic butter knife.
"I could relate to that, I could see that I needed tools to be violent free.
"I learnt to recognise the signs that my feelings were getting out of hand. I know most of the signs now but my kids know them all, they'll say ‘Dad time for a walk'.
"I think I am a better man for being violence free because it generates through to my children and their children. My kids let me look after my grandkids, they trust me to do that.
"It opens up a whole new world, being this violence free person."
Vic is employed by the It's not OK Campaign through the Pacific Island Safety and Prevention Project in Waitakere as a violence free champion. He visits communities round New Zealand telling his story of becoming violence free.
If you would like Vic to visit your community please email us on areyouok@msd.govt.nz