December
19 Dec 2008
Hi Vic I'm a 16 year old girl. Over the last year my partner has become really violent, last week he gave me a massive black eye. He said sorry and hid me at his house until it had faded, even though he promised not to do it again he pushed and kicked me around again the other day and bruised my head I want him to get help what do I do.
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November
11 Nov 2008
Hello Vic, I'm writing cause I need help with my relationship. My fiancé has a hot temper, exploding easily, shouting and swearing so much that it sometimes scares me. He's never hit me up to now and he is always apologetic afterwards. After our last argument, he promised to see a psychologist. Do you honestly think it will help him learn to control his anger? He seems very determined to change, but is it possible? I would really appreciate your opinion. I love him and don't want to give up on us, but I'm afraid that people cannot change.
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October
29 Oct 2008
Hi, I have friend that I think needs anger management. He has not hit his kids or partner, but when he really gets pissed off I can see he’s not far from exploding into violence. This doesn’t happen very often, he carries a lot of anger from his childhood. My question, is the stop programme you mention the right thing for him? He does need the healing. He has tried anger management but I’m thinking he was not ready. When is a person ready? How as a friend can I convince him?
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22 Oct 2008
Me and my partner have been through a rough patch in the past, where I have had the police called out to our home 14 times, all of the time I did not hit my partner but we did argue loudly. Now I am going through a court battle where they are trying to take my babies. Since me and my partner moved to a new house away from her family everything has been good. I take the kids to school, she goes to work, I stay at home and clean our whare. What can I do?
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08 Oct 2008
Hi there, okay so my situation is I am a 20 yr old mother of a 10 month daughter and married. Ever since we got married last year my husband has started to be physically abusive towards me. It started off with pushing and shoving and then started leading to punching and throwing me around. It also happened on a couple of occasions while I was pregnant and while I was holding our child.
He was arrested once for assaulting me in public because someone reported it. My friends and family knew about it and told me to report him for the safety of myself and our daughter but I always felt guilty about how the wife should be loyal and all that.
He recently smashed the window with me and my daughter nearby. That was the last straw for me so I reported him. Now he's telling me it's all my fault now that he might do time because he's on parole at the moment. I guess my question is have I done the right thing?
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September
23 Sep 2008
Hi Vic
I have some issues. I tend to use anger when I get annoyed, sometimes I just sit and drink. I think most of it is getting frustrated. I have 3 boys and soon to be married and I am wanting to find help before I lose everything.
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15 Sep 2008
Hey, I’ve never been abused by my parents but I’ve seen it happen to my aunty in front of her children and grandchildren. So I’m just wondering what made you hit your partner and children? Because there was no answer going through my head when I sat there watching my aunty be smashed by my uncle and for their children and grandchildren to be watching really affected the way they acted. Luckily my cousins aren’t stupid and have already said they would never treat a woman like my uncle treated my aunty. Thanks... na te atua e manaaki ia matou katoa
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01 Sep 2008
Hi Vic, My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years and married for 3. We have to 2 children and another on the way. My children and I live with domestic violence every day, It’s not so much the physical violence but the psychological and it’s been going on for a while now. He always talks about being tough and likes to be seen as a 'tough guy' by everyone and has hit and intimidated other people because he could. He's been arrested a few times because I've called the police on him and I've kicked him out countless times but he always ends up back home saying things will change. I've asked him to get help but he always has an excuse for why he hasn't done anything about getting help. He doesn’t seem to care about the way he’s treating me and the kids. I know him being around us while he is like this is wrong on so many levels, but I don’t know what else to do. I guess I’m just a weak person. He won't leave and threatens to give me a good hiding before that happens. How do you suggest I get him out and keep him out?
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August
25 Aug 2008
Hi Vic, I'm a 33-year old male, dependant on drugs. I had a history of family violence, being that I was abused mentally and physically. I have been scarred in childhood and now as an adult I continued the abuse towards my ex partner and her son. I have disguised my life through drugs and do not foresee an end to the cycle I'm in. I am desperate for help and willing to be free from all abuse.
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18 Aug 2008
Hi Vic, I am in a partnership with a Filipino lady. I am struggling. I am feeling unloved and unrespected. I am trying to make it work. Two weeks ago we fought and I got angry. I threw things and broke things. This morning it nearly happened again. I feel ignored all the time. I feel she won’t make any changes, any compromises. After the last reconciliation it was ok for a few days, then back to the same ole same ole. I get angry inside. I have a reasonably stressful job. I am a recovering alcoholic - but have no plans to reopen the drinking book. I am also trying to quit smoking. But I (we) do need help. Any suggestions?
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11 Aug 2008
Hey, I have a boyfriend of 5 years now and we have a 2 year old son. My boyfriend has a very big anger problem and although he has not yet hit me he threatens and smashes things around me. He also does it in front of our son. There are times when my boyfriend and I have been in the car and he’s gone off his nut and starts driving erratically making me actually fear for my life. This all gets worse when he drinks which isn’t regularly but I’m afraid when he has drunk. Other times when he’s not violent he’s very caring and loving towards both me and our son but I’m confused about what to do really. Should I stay and help him or run?
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July
28 Jul 2008
My hubby and I have been married for over 10 years, and have two wonderful kids. I've been noticing over the last year or so, that he is starting to put the kids down and calling them names. He doesn't see anything wrong with this, and won’t listen to me when I tell him it’s wrong. What should I do?
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21 Jul 2008
My partner is a very nice guy. He is nothing but kind to me. However randomly one night when we were out drinking with friends he hit me across the face. I'm just trying to clarify if it's him or the alcohol who hit me. Would you please shine some light on my situation? Thanks
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07 Jul 2008
Why did you use violence in your house to start off with?
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04 Jul 2008
How do I get help for my niece? She and her kids are in a bad spot where there is violence in the home constantly; she said that it's her when I know it's not. Her partner is going to court soon and I'm hoping that this will put him away but she has to testify but won't.
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June
30 Jun 2008
What was your first step to stop using violence?
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