May

22 May 2013
Me and my partner have been together nearly four years and have five kids between us including three under six. Lately he has been quite angry and smashes my things, gets in my face, bruises me, threatens to kill himself and threatens to take my son. If I try to talk to him he just says I'm winding him up. Any questions including asking for help with house duties, it always winds him up. I love him so much but I don't want to be like this anymore, it's making my bipolar worse, I'm never happy anymore. I don't feel like I could ever leave him, he really scares me sometimes, but I also really love him, sometimes I think I'm just making it up. What should I do?

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14 May 2013
Hi Vic, I have been with the father of two of my kids for five years now. About two months after we started dating, his grandparents were killed in a car accident by a texting driver.

I'm bringing that up because I think that's when it started.
When he's good he is amazing and such a good dad. But more often he's angry over such small things. He flips! When he gets real angry he yells at the kids (two years and six months). He's very intimidating with his voice.

When I cop it, which averages one to two times a week he gets real mad and calls me bitch and f**k up/off stupid and mutters a lot under his breath. But when he loses it about two times a month I have been called a slut, told to f**k off. When I say I'm going to leave the house to get away I get told if I leave he hopes I get raped, calls me a dog and he has also wished me dead to name a few.

Don't get me wrong - after five years I no longer just take it. I argue back. But never say such things he says to me!

I love him so much but I think he needs some help. He's just too stubborn to ask. The last five years have taken their toll and I'm now on Fluoxetine (Prozac) daily as I was so low from being run down all the time.

He has one to three Woodstocks daily and also smokes (green) which I've asked him to start by eliminating drink first to see if that is the trigger. But it still hasn't happened. Also, is weed addictive? He says it's not yet he needs it daily.

Please give me some advice on how to help him. Thank you.

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07 May 2013
My husband and I have today separated after a five year relationship. I had a difficult family environment to grow up in and so did he. I have snapped many times and flown at him in a blind rage, he says I "lose control" - and I know that my behaviour has hurt our son as this has happened in front of him, as has his anger toward me.

The other side of this is that he also is violent to me, and though I can't remember when it started, he calls me names like "psycho b***" and tells me that I am useless at everything I do, that he hates me and the sound of my voice and that I need help but never try to change.

I do seem to lose the plot when he calls me these names - I had a stepmother that would often talk to me that way and used to have panic attacks from it. Not long ago I called the police during an argument, where I backed him into a corner afraid of his leaving, and he snapped and put his hand on my throat and squeezed. He got out on bail and has been seeing a counsellor who he says is helping a lot but he still calls me the names and says he won't stop until I stop being what he calls me.

At the moment I have suggested that I go to live with my mum, who is now worried about me leaving my son with his father at home. I don't know what to do at the moment as I do love him and married him to spend my life with him. But he thinks the blame lies mostly on me.

Every time he leaves to get space in an argument he tells me that it's over for good and he's never coming back.

This breaking up with me in every argument has been going on for years also.

What should I do?

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April

29 Apr 2013
Me and my partner have been together almost five years. We have two children together and another on the way.

I am very confused about my partner. When we are doing good we are doing really good. But I just gotta do one thing wrong and he'll snap!

He has been violent in the past and I'm not sure if he'll do it again.

He's really jealous and doesn't like me to dress up or anything. He dislikes all my friends and if I go out with them he will hit me for it.

Also if I don't do what he wants he gets mad and calls me names.

I think I should leave him but I love him and believe he can change.

What do you think?

I get scared of him a lot also.

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23 Apr 2013
Hi Vic, my partner and I have been together for over 11 years now. We met when we were only 16 years old. We now have four children.

At first everything was great. I loved the guy with all my heart and still do.

But he's violent towards me and the children. He grew up with an abusive dad and watched him beat up his mum at times. Now he's doing it to me. He hits me. I know I shouldn't swear at him but that's all it takes. My mental abuse will result in him physically abusing me.

I've recently moved back in with my mum because we argue and fight too much. The children don't deserve to see that. I want to break the cycle... but I also want to be with him still. I know I may sound crazy but I love him very much but want him to get help. I'm getting sick of hearing that he'll change but he hasn't and I'm getting sick of him saying I'm to blame. I know in my heart I'm good to him.

This is the first time I've attempted to get outside help (apart from family) and I just want him to realise that I love him very much but want this vicious cycle to stop!
In order to be together as a happy family, this is what needs to be done.

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18 Apr 2013
I want my dad dead.

My brothers and I grew up with the hidings but nothing compares to the mental and emotional abuse as well as the physical abuse he had inflicted on my mum even before they married.

My mum is a broken spirit. My mum lives for us her adult children and now more so for her four grandchildren.

Mum tries to justify Dad's behaviour because of his own abusive upbringing, this is crap, everyone has a choice in life if they really want to change.

40+ years is a long time and it needs to stop.
Mum says it's God that gives her the strength to deal with it, really?

Is there a God?

Well my mum isn't Moses wandering around in the desert enduring a horrible life.

My mum has never been happy.

Her mistake was meeting my dad thinking he was the light at the end of the tunnel of the same abuse she suffered at the hands of her older sister.

Mum's only escape is to cry, she says it's her way of venting.

From the clothes she wears, to cutting and dying her hair, her husband controls her life.

We have tried during the years to remove her but with her mind-set she says that if we love her then leave her to deal with it, because Dad is sick too.

I am done with him.

As adult children who have seen this for years we cannot live our lives as we are all in fear for our mum. Mum told her church minister a while back, nothing became of that. I want to push him down the stairs and be done with him. Mum married him in her 20s, she is in her 70s now.

My mum is the love of my life.

I dated my partner for 12 years before marrying him six months ago and have only just realised why my mum cried and wanted me to stay at home all these years, as I have only moved out three years ago. I was her protector and now, I am failing her.

Please help.

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10 Apr 2013
Hi, how did you get out of your violent situation?

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March

25 Mar 2013
Hi there I don't know where to start. Me and my partner have been together for about four years. We have a two year old son together. When we are good we're really good then out of the blue he snaps. He says all these mean things me and he has been violent in the past.
I don't know what to do any more. He was a heavy drinker and now he is getting help and he been alcohol free for a month now.

When he is good he has goals for himself, his son and us, but he can't seem to stay on the path for long.
He has had a really bad upbringing, been in CYF homes since he was two.

He snaps in his sleep and he doesn't remember anything in the morning. He finds it really hard to talk to people. He says he's like his dad and he hates it. I'm so confused please help.

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February

04 Feb 2013
My neighbour is being physically and mentally abused by her partner, who is my cousin. She is very depressed and I want to help her but don't know how. .I stopped him from beating her up the other night, then kept her at my house safe from him, but she ran back to him. What can I do to support her? He also says he wants to stop but doesn't know how?

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January

29 Jan 2013
Hi Vic, my neighbours are often yelling and shouting at their very young children. There is a young woman who is the mother, and her father who is often away as he works as a truck driver. They are a bit "rough" and I don't want problems with neighbours, however I also don't want to be the person who did nothing.

Mainly I would like to extend some help whether moral support or practical support.
How do you suggest I approach them and when, during a bad patch or some other time?

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