16 Feb 2009
Hi Jude, were you also violent? Also what do you think of the younger women coming up? Also do you think it is fair we only show women who are victims of violence and keep to making men out to be the perpetrators? I hope this is not too sensitive for you to answer.
The answer to the first part of your question is ‘yes' I was violent, not toward my children or my partner (too afraid) but when I was in the gang I would always be involved in fights that would take place between myself and the women from the rival gang. These fights would and could break out anywhere at any time so you always had to be on high alert. It was not good but that was part of the world I was living in at that time and I was filled with so much hate and anger it was the one place I could release it and get away with it.
The second part of your question: As for our young women coming up, as in all scenarios, there are the negative and the positive. There are a lot of pressures and temptations on our young people but because we now so openly discuss the issues that they could face the awareness has been heightened immensely. Schools have identified certain needs that our young may face and have support and services in place to help if needed.
Third part of your question: We know that there are men who are victims of violence and I think this may need to be acknowledged to some degree but statistics show that the majority of serious family violence in adults is men inflicting violence on women and children. Statistics for murders show that most men are murdered by other men and most women and children are murdered by men.
Other Ask Jude Questions
16 May 2012Hi Jude, I have a neighbour who is Middle Eastern and she is going through domestic violence. She is too afraid to talk to anyone but did confess to me as I prompted her after spotting the signs. I just want to know what I can do to help. I am worried about her as she has indicated having suicidal thoughts. I have already emailed her the link to this website and I have talked to her about other options. I have in the past experienced similar so I know what it's like. I just feel helpless now though. Her husband is very controlling and I don't want to push too hard and make things worse for her. Thanks.... Read the answer
08 May 2012
Hey Jude, I'm sitting here contemplating whether to call the help line or even the cops. My partner of five years has just assaulted me in front of the kids, I am terrified as to how far he can go. I hesitate to get authorities involved due to the fact that we have two children both under the age of 7 and the eldest is mine from a previous relationship, so he's told me in past arguments that if I ever left him or we broke up he would take my daughter and I love my kids so I would never want to hurt them or put them through hell over custody battles if it came to that.
However after his attack on me in front of them I now realise we already are hurting them and I don't want my babies raised like this but I refuse to be a result from a broken family so I am stuck - literally I can't breathe and am too afraid to do anything like leave him which is what I always think of doing but to who? My support system is not in this country and I am terrified to fly. I don't want to bother family I do have here - more like I am too ashamed to admit we have problems. His own family if I got them involved would tell us to deal with it ourselves. I'm so ashamed to call the cops and I feel trapped, I'm always stressed and so unhappy.
Most of our arguments are over a stupid Xbox game that he's constantly on. I'm left to do all the work and his excuse is that he works all day. I work part time because I am studying, he is so not supportive of my study and always puts me down. Yeah I tend to fuel some of our arguments but it takes two to have children and raise a family, I feel like both mum and dad and I'm so worn out I have no life in me. I don't care how I look anymore, what I wear, nor do I have time for myself so why bother he's got so many threats that involve our daughter about taking her away, if I leave how am I supposed to do anything without harming my children? I always tell him he's the one killing me, I am always sick, stressed and his reckless driving will cause us an accident that will result in grave circumstances. I'm so lost, tired, emotionally drained, I'm literally drowning in my relationship. Please help I don't know what to do!
... Read the answer01 May 2012
Dear Jude, my sister is stuck in an abusive relationship and I fear for her safety and the safety of her son (12 months). How can I get help for them? ... Read the answer
Ask Vic
Vic is now violence free but it wasn't always that way. Ask his advice or read his responses to others.
Ask Jude
Jude is a survivor of family violence. Ask her a question or read her responses to others.
My father's violence knew no bounds. He'd do whatever it took to hurt us children, punch us with fists, smash us with bottles, kick us, whack us with sticks or belts. He beat the living daylights out of us - not for anything.
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