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11 Aug 2010
What if a woman feels afraid to leave the man because he is her provider? If he gets angry and has hit her should she have left? What if she meets someone else should she leave him then? She does not love him any more and it kills her everyday, she feels like she has nowhere to go that's why she stays.

Thank you for your question, you are very brave for writing in - good on you. I know very well how difficult it can be to leave an abusive relationship especially when you have no where to go and that is one of the many reasons women will stay. It is not easy to just get up and go. But there are things you can do to help you get through this and you don't have to do it alone.

May I suggest calling the Women's Refuge or ringing our information line on 0800 456 450 to find out what help is available in your area. Women's Refuges can offer you a place to stay, they also know about other help you can get. You can safely share all your fears with them, they will listen and not judge you.

They will ask you about your safety and if you do leave are you in any danger? If so, they may suggest you take out a protection order which will help keep you safe. A protection order is an order granted by the Justice Department and a Family Court Judge which says that the named person (your partner) cannot have any contact with you - phone or text, even coming within a certain distance of you is not allowed and if this is breached then the Police are called and he then has to deal with the consequences through the courts. This is just something for you to consider.

Do you have friends who you could go to and who would support you?

There are also programmes that many agencies offer to help woman like yourself get back on their feet, build their self esteem and look at "where to from here". Please know that you are not alone and as hard as this seems right now it can get better. There are people there who want to help and are trained and qualified to help and they do this work with no judgement and no pressure.
I wish you the very best.

Jude


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02 Feb 2012
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18 Jan 2012
Dear Jude, I am interested to know what exactly constitutes verbal abuse. I have often wondered if my husband is verbally abusive - he says such cruel things (such as saying he doesn't give a f*** about our baby because its mother is such a b****) and says that people say the most hurtful things they can think of when arguing, and his mother agrees that this is normal when arguing. I had never experienced this in previous relationships but my husband tells me I am super sensitive. He swears, shouts and name-calls, but only during an argument. Sometimes, he raises a fist to me, but has never hit me. He did tell me he would never hit a woman but he was going to arrange for someone else to do it for him. Am I being oversensitive when he behaves like this? Should I just 'suck it up'? Thank you, Jude. ... Read the answer

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