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19 Jul 2010
Hi Jude, how do you get past an ex that still tries to control despite living apart?

Thank you for your question and good on you for writing in.

What I know from my own personal experience is that trying to get over an ex-partner and that relationship can be very difficult and takes a lot of strength and determination especially when they're not letting go and as you say ‘still controlling you'.

May I suggest a few options that you may like to look at to help you get through this?

Firstly, are you safe? Do you feel in any danger? Is he threatening you? What we know is that the time after a woman has left a relationship can be one of the most dangerous times so if you feel unsafe in any way you could apply for a Protection Order. To do this you contact the Police or go to your local courthouse or the your local women's refuge and they will advise you. This order will then stop him from contacting you, even texting you, and he won't be allowed to come within a certain distance of you. If he breaches any of these there are consequences he will have to face. What this will do will give him a clear message that you do not want to have any contact with him and it also shows him how very serious you are.

There are other things you can do as well like change your phone numbers, get a new mobile, possibly move, surround yourself with friends and family who support you and can help keep you strong. If you're working you could ask that no calls from him be accepted, avoid going to places where you know he goes. If you do these things I'm sure he will get the message that you do not want to be in the relationship and you will not be controlled by him, but please always keep in mind your personal safety that's why taking out a Protection Order may be the way to go. I wish you all the very best.

Jude


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