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02 Jul 2010
Hi Jude, I'm 25 and have been enduring physical, emotional and sexual abuse from a family member since I was a very small child. It has progressively got worse over the years and he has trapped me in every way possible. My work, my home, my family life all revolve in some way around him so I can't escape him and if I tell anyone I risk losing my job and ability to live and support myself. I feel disgusting for letting it keep going but I don't know how to stop it and don't know if I can cope with the ramifications if I do speak out. I very recently became pregnant as a result of the abuse but miscarried the baby. I'm at a loss as to where to turn, who to talk to and who to trust. It's all getting too much to deal with on my own but I'm terrified to reach out and let anyone into my world. It's too much for me, how can anyone else cope with hearing it?

Hey, First of all I want to say to you how brave I think you are for writing in. I know how hard that must have been for you and I want to congratulate you for taking the first step in reaching out and getting help. I hear very clearly from your letter that you find it hard to trust people and I truly understand that and can see why.

What I'd like to share with you at this point is that there are people out there who would be there for you and who you would learn to trust. As we know trust is something that is earned and has to be built, but it has to start somewhere. We have many wonderful people, trained and working in the area that is specifically to help people going through experiences like yourself. They are caring and kind people who don't judge, who just want to be there for you. I feel from your letter that you are at a point where you can't do this anymore on your own and please know you don't have to.

The question is "Are you ready to take the step and reach out and ask someone to help"? If you are may I make a couple of suggestions where you could begin. First of all, your local women's refuge. The staff there would support you and help you in any way they could. They have relationships with many agencies who could also be there for you. It may be that once you have shared what is going on you have some one-on-one counselling and the women's refuge will have a list of people they know and trust who could be there for you.

Please know that everything you tell them will be confidential and they will not do or say anything to anyone unless you have agreed to it. They will simply be there for you supporting you, listening to you, encouraging you and offering suggestions to you that may help you. I promise you they will not judge you. Once you have shared with them they will look at your immediate needs - first and foremost being your safety and wellbeing.

To find out how to contact the women's refuge nearest you or another organisation that can help, phone our information line on 0800 456 450.

Another suggestion may be if you have a good relationship with your Doctor, could you tell him/her? They will also know who to make contact with to get you the help you need and deserve.

I do want to say to you that none of what has happened to you is your fault. None of it!!!! You have done nothing wrong, please please believe that. I also want you to know that as hard and difficult as things are right now you can get through this just please let people in so they can help you. Please don't continue to try and do this alone you - you don't have to - OK !!

I want to say to you, I think you are amazing that you have been through so much and you still manage to work and support yourself and write in to us in an incredibly articulate manner. I don't know you but I feel from your letter there is great strength in you so please keep going. You have taken the first step and I am so proud of you. I wish you all the very very best. I'll be thinking of you.

Jude.


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