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28 May 2010
My best friend who's 15 has been physically abused by her dad for a long time now, her mum is abusive sometimes too. Her dad has given death threats. The other day he said something about if they argue again he will get the gun. A couple of days ago he held the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off because my best friend had made it so the gun wouldn't work. She won't tell anyone, her mum doesn't know. I don't know what to do.

Thank you for your letter and I have to say what an awesome friend I think you are. You have shown great caring and love for your friend. You have every right to be concerned. Your friend is in extreme danger and something must be done immediately.

She may not be in the right space to tell anyone but it may be that it is about you telling someone. Imagine if nothing is done and the next time they argue and the father threatens to kill her and then chooses to go and get a weapon of some sort that may be the time when it will work and the outcome will be either hurting your friend terribly or killing her. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself.

I know how difficult it can be when you are in the situation you are in but this is very very serious. There are a number of options you could do, maybe you find someone you can talk to and ask for help and advice. Someone who you know you can trust and will act on what you have told them and do it with speed and do it appropriately and would support you in what you do from then on.

You could make an anonymous phone call to the Police and advise them of what happened a couple of days ago and they will then advise you of what to do and they will take it from there. Child Youth and Family is another option you could ring. I'm aware of how frightening this must be and how ringing the Police or CYFs may not seem like an appropriate thing to do but they will step in immediately and help and do whatever they must to keep your friend safe and alive.

It is not acceptable what this person is doing to your friend and we must speak out to help protect her and keep her alive and well. I'm sure you must be thinking that if you tell your friend will get upset as she obviously doesn't want anyone to know but my question to you is "how can we not?" Again I ask you to think about how different the consequences could be if this girl's father followed through with his threat.

If you ring your local Police Station and ask to speak with the Family Violence Co-ordinator, who is trained to deal with situations exactly like this, they will listen and talk with you and help you. If you're not comfortable giving your name at first that's ok, but please do something. I know this is hard and I truly do feel for you, it is a horrible situation to be in as a friend, but I also believe you will do what you have to do to help protect your friend.

I wish you all the very very best and again I thank you for being such an amazing person.

Jude

 


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