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24 Feb 2010
If anyone's family is having a big fight can they contact you and can you come to their house?

Thank you for your question, good on you for writing in. In answer to your question I cannot go to anyone's home where there may be family violence occurring but there are things you can do as an individual and we can do as a community.

First if you are witnessing a family having a ‘big fight' even from your own home the first thing to do is call the Police. It is very important that intervention is sought immediately to ensure the safety of all in the house. The Police have specialised teams who are trained and equipped to deal with family violence situations. It could be extremely dangerous for anyone else to go to a house where a fight is taking place and your safety must be a priority. Ring the Police and they will respond to the call immediately.

Time is crucial as there is always the possibility in situations like you have described that someone, perhaps a child, could be harmed or worse.

We as a community must speak out and not look the other way, as too many women and children are losing their lives through people not speaking up and doing what is necessary. I believe it is better for help to be called in at an early stage (and it not amount to anything) rather than wait (or do nothing) and it end in another death due to family violence.

I am very aware that in some situations it can be very frightening and ‘scary' to call the Police to go to a neighbours home, so if you have these fears, express them to the Police and they will keep your call anonymous and advise you of what to do and what not to do. Again, doing nothing could result in someone being severely hurt and/or possible death.

If you have a relationship/friendship with a family who is always fighting you could ask them, (when things are quiet) if they need any help, is there anything you can do to support them.

You could gather information, which you can get by phoning 0800 456 450. The people who answer this phone number can tell you what help is available in your community for you or the people you are worried about.

If there are children in the home where this fighting is taking place, when you see the children, give them a smile, maybe a kind word, these may be small things but you never know how much a kind gesture can mean to a person caught up in family violence.


Jude


Other Ask Jude Questions

02 Feb 2012
Dear Jude. I have neighbours who fight at least once a day. Their bedroom is about three metres away from our bedroom and they constantly wake us with their fighting. I find it really traumatic as we have a young son who hears all of it. They also fight at night and it's often hard to put my son to bed. They have two sons, 1.5 years and two months old. The children cry when they fight. Sometimes the fight spills out into the street. I don't want to get involved with these people but I fear for the children. I told my husband the next time they fight, I'm calling the cops. I just want to know what I can do.... Read the answer

25 Jan 2012
Hi Jude, I was hoping I could find someone to talk to. I am 20 years old and have been with my partner since I was 14 and he is now 27. I have had two kids to him under five, and it's just been a rollercoaster. He is a very heavy drinker and is forever just leaving and not saying anything. I have had cops come to my old house in the past with him verbally abusing me when he was drunk. I thought it would stop but it's just gotten worse. My oldest son often says his dad's mean or very angry. My partner has made me feel worthless, ugly, stupid and has even recently cheated on me. Our arguments got really bad sometimes, I would be scared for me and my kids. I moved out two weeks ago but only live five minutes from his house with my family, but it's very crowded and me and the kids are sleeping in the lounge. The kids are happier. The dad had a new girlfriend the day I moved out and I'm getting abused over text messages and him telling lies to all our friends. I now feel afraid to stay where I am as they both live down the road. I just want a new start, a new life. I want to be happy again and to give my kids the life and happiness they deserve because they haven't had it at all. I never asked to be a victim but I am and I'm reaching out for advice. ... Read the answer

18 Jan 2012
Dear Jude, I am interested to know what exactly constitutes verbal abuse. I have often wondered if my husband is verbally abusive - he says such cruel things (such as saying he doesn't give a f*** about our baby because its mother is such a b****) and says that people say the most hurtful things they can think of when arguing, and his mother agrees that this is normal when arguing. I had never experienced this in previous relationships but my husband tells me I am super sensitive. He swears, shouts and name-calls, but only during an argument. Sometimes, he raises a fist to me, but has never hit me. He did tell me he would never hit a woman but he was going to arrange for someone else to do it for him. Am I being oversensitive when he behaves like this? Should I just 'suck it up'? Thank you, Jude. ... Read the answer

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