02 Feb 2012
Dear Jude. I have neighbours who fight at least once a day. Their bedroom is about three metres away from our bedroom and they constantly wake us with their fighting. I find it really traumatic as we have a young son who hears all of it. They also fight at night and it's often hard to put my son to bed. They have two sons, 1.5 years and two months old. The children cry when they fight. Sometimes the fight spills out into the street. I don't want to get involved with these people but I fear for the children. I told my husband the next time they fight, I'm calling the cops. I just want to know what I can do.
Thank you for writing in and I hear your concerns which are very valid and real.
May I suggest that you do in fact call the Police. You don't have to give your name or details if you don't want to but until this is brought out into the open no supports or help can be put in place to help this family.
What happens when Police are called out to a domestic is they write a report on the incident and within a week they then meet with a group of community agencies who work in social services helping with situations exactly like the one you have described, and they then decide who is best suited to help this particular family. They will then visit them, have a chat and look at what can be done to help.
I know it can be hard to make these phone calls but the reality is until we all start speaking up and speaking out people are getting hurt and in some incidents women and children are being killed and we don't want that to happen. The situation you have described is not good for you and your son and definitely not good for the children next door.
We know that children are affected by family violence - even if they are only witnessing it - so there is an urgency to get help to this family as quickly as possible. You have said you don't want to get involved with them but maybe if you do see her out and about with the children you could give her a smile. We don't know the story behind these people, what their background and history is so we don't want to judge them but it's always good to keep in mind if possible that not everyone has lives that are good and safe and loving and nurturing so giving a smile isn't getting involved but it is giving a little something that may help.
I wish you all the very best and I hope things change very soon.
Jude.
Other Ask Jude Questions
16 May 2012Hi Jude, I have a neighbour who is Middle Eastern and she is going through domestic violence. She is too afraid to talk to anyone but did confess to me as I prompted her after spotting the signs. I just want to know what I can do to help. I am worried about her as she has indicated having suicidal thoughts. I have already emailed her the link to this website and I have talked to her about other options. I have in the past experienced similar so I know what it's like. I just feel helpless now though. Her husband is very controlling and I don't want to push too hard and make things worse for her. Thanks.... Read the answer
08 May 2012
Hey Jude, I'm sitting here contemplating whether to call the help line or even the cops. My partner of five years has just assaulted me in front of the kids, I am terrified as to how far he can go. I hesitate to get authorities involved due to the fact that we have two children both under the age of 7 and the eldest is mine from a previous relationship, so he's told me in past arguments that if I ever left him or we broke up he would take my daughter and I love my kids so I would never want to hurt them or put them through hell over custody battles if it came to that.
However after his attack on me in front of them I now realise we already are hurting them and I don't want my babies raised like this but I refuse to be a result from a broken family so I am stuck - literally I can't breathe and am too afraid to do anything like leave him which is what I always think of doing but to who? My support system is not in this country and I am terrified to fly. I don't want to bother family I do have here - more like I am too ashamed to admit we have problems. His own family if I got them involved would tell us to deal with it ourselves. I'm so ashamed to call the cops and I feel trapped, I'm always stressed and so unhappy.
Most of our arguments are over a stupid Xbox game that he's constantly on. I'm left to do all the work and his excuse is that he works all day. I work part time because I am studying, he is so not supportive of my study and always puts me down. Yeah I tend to fuel some of our arguments but it takes two to have children and raise a family, I feel like both mum and dad and I'm so worn out I have no life in me. I don't care how I look anymore, what I wear, nor do I have time for myself so why bother he's got so many threats that involve our daughter about taking her away, if I leave how am I supposed to do anything without harming my children? I always tell him he's the one killing me, I am always sick, stressed and his reckless driving will cause us an accident that will result in grave circumstances. I'm so lost, tired, emotionally drained, I'm literally drowning in my relationship. Please help I don't know what to do!
... Read the answer01 May 2012
Dear Jude, my sister is stuck in an abusive relationship and I fear for her safety and the safety of her son (12 months). How can I get help for them? ... Read the answer
Ask Vic
Vic is now violence free but it wasn't always that way. Ask his advice or read his responses to others.
Ask Jude
Jude is a survivor of family violence. Ask her a question or read her responses to others.
I remember one day my father smashed my grandmother’s glass-topped table. After that my grandmother became an eagle-eyed woman.
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