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04 Mar 2009
Hey Jude, a friend of mine is getting abused by their father and has recently been headbutted and punched in the face by him. This isn't the first time they have had a big argument but is the first time their father has hit them. But they don't want any help and keep saying everything's fine, what should I do??

Your friend's safety is the most important thing here and they are not safe. To have suffered the kind of physical abuse you have described is unacceptable. This does, however, put you in a very difficult situation especially with your friend saying that everything is fine because it isn't and this does need to be reported. This can be done anonymously by making a call to the Police and explaining what has happened and that you are afraid for your friend. If your friend is a child or young person it is even more important that you report this violence by their parent. If you don't feel you have been listened to and heard ask to speak to the Family Violence Co-ordinator. They are Police officers who specialise in the area of family violence. They are wonderful people who truly do care about people in these situations and do want to help.

If you can't bring yourself to ring is there someone you trust that you could confide in that could help you with this? We must always keep in mind the danger that your friend will be in living in a violent environment and if this happens again the result could be death. Many people have died at the hands of an abuser and we do not want your friend to be another one.

We also know that people are affected by family violence in ways that we cannot see, that are not physical, and what is happening to your friend on top of the physical damage of being punched and headbutted will be things going on inside of them, their thinking and feelings, and if these are not worked through and addressed they can cause everlasting damage.

You may like to make contact with agencies in your community that help in situations like this. It is very important that you keep loving and supporting your friend. Let her know you are there for her without any judgement and that you want only the best for her. Also please let her know that what happened to her is not ok and not normal or acceptable and it definitely is not her fault.

I can understand fully how hard this must be for you so please try and find someone who can help you and get it reported as soon as possible so intervention can happen to prevent this from happening again or maybe even worse next time. You can ring our information line on 0800 456 450 to find out what help is available in your area.


Jude


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