Are you OK?
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No one deserves to be scared or frightened.
If someone is frightening or threatening you, then it is what they think and do that needs to change.
No one has the right to scare or to control another person.
"Sorry" isn't enough
It's common for someone to be sorry after they've hit or abused their partner.
It's also common for someone who hits you once to hit you again.
It takes more than being sorry to change the behaviours and attitudes that lead to violence.
People often need help to make those changes.
The services listed at the back of this booklet can help you.
Talk to someone you trust
Visit www.areyouok.org.nz
Call 0800 456 450
"I don't want my kids to go through that, eh, all scared at night, shaking, waiting for the footsteps to come down the hallway and things like that."
Often people who are violent use excuses for their behaviour or blame other people.
They say things like:
"BUT IT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN...
he's drinking, she's stoned, he's tired,
she says no..."
An excuse isn’t a lot of use to someone who has been hit, frightened or screamed at.
It doesn’t change what happened, and it doesn’t make it OK.
Instead of making excuses, think about what needs to change.
Lots of people drink, get tired and are stressed – but they don't all use violence.
If you live with someone who keeps on making excuses, and there's no sign of change, you can decide enough is enough.